Thursday, July 11, 2013

Living it up

Cross-posted to gratitude365.

Over the years, I've written about my suffering and my practice to be grateful in the in the midst of it. (If you’re interested in any of that past history, click on the “Kim” link under "Labels" at the right.) But this post is about healing. And yes, there’s a huge gap in my posting (like two years). There’s several factors that contributed to that, but ultimately, I think when I started feeling better, I started to live more and ruminate less.

In a way, I think I’m making up for lost time. In fact, I worry that Facebook friends think I’m a show-off posting pictures of myself waterskiing, out dancing, or striking a yoga pose half-way up the climb to Yosemite Falls. And to that, I say, “so be it.” Five years ago, I wasn’t entirely sure I was going to live to age 40 and if I did, I couldn’t have possibly imagined it with the physical ability and brain function I have now. So yes, I am profoundly proud of these moments.

Mostly, I am astonishingly grateful. It took a village to bring me to this place of recovery. To my Lyme doctor, acupuncturist, chiropractor, physical therapist, LENS practitioner, yoga instructor, dear friends--both the Lymies, who “get” everything, and the non-Lymies who tolerate, if not appreciate, my eccentricities--and my family: Thank you. Thanks for believing me, supporting me, accepting me. You have all shared a piece of your light with me and helped to bring back my flame.

I’m so glad I didn’t give up in those dark, dark moments. Where the only things keeping me in this world were a baby and a toddler who needed a mother; a husband whose loyalty and capacity to love me was beyond what I could have ever imagined; and the nagging belief that I haven’t fulfilled my life’s purpose yet.

And no, I'm not "cured," I'm still on medication, watch everything I eat and the thoughts that cross my mind, but I feel myself coming back. I really can’t say it any better than Dana, who was featured in the documentary Under Our Skin: “After ten years of Lyme, I’ve cleaned up and simplified my life. I have retreated deep into my soul and now I stand guard for everything that goes into body and mind. Whatever I have lost to Lyme I have gained ten-fold into my spirit. Life is coming back to me and I am so grateful.”