Saturday, May 15, 2010

Walking On

Part III of Susanne's Story

What I have discovered is that the only way I can truly walk on into the abyss of the unknown is to place a deep and impenetrable trust in the Creator of the universe in whom I move and have my being. I cannot explain why Borrelia burgdorferi made its way into creation, just as I cannot explain why natural disasters have their place in the universe claiming thousands of lives at a time, or why murderers grow up to murder. There are plenty of Biblical scholars out there who will try to explain this. I cannot.

But this I know: the Creator of the universe has not stopped creating. He takes the good, the bag, and the ugly stuff of life and weaves it into a tapestry of beauty. I’ve seen it in my life and I’ve seen it in the lives of countless others. The small piece of my life saga that I shared in Part I and Part II I see now through a lens of incredible grace and beauty. All the pain and turmoil has been used in my life to dramatically change who I am. I cringe at the early years of my marriage when I demanded that life happen to my drumbeat. My mantra was, “it’s the road to perfection, and you’re on it.” I cringe and now I can laugh at how incredibly self-absorbed I was. And really what’s perfection anyway? What do you do once you get there? I don’t even long for it anymore! Praise Jesus! It remains in my mind as a crazy notion of misplaced desire.

How did chronic pain and suffering teach me this? By having things rarely go my way, and then finding the beauty in the way it went. Of course it took years for me to see the beauty. Thankfully I had precious people around me showing me and helping me to find the eyes that could see the beauty. This is just one small storyline among the many storylines of beauty woven through pain. But I’ve grown to have this confidence in the God of the universe who is compassionate and loving and good at every turn even when the circumstances of life seem contrary to this truth.

So how do I face the journey ahead with Lyme disease and all? I guess I’d like to be like Captain Jack in the second Pirates of the Caribbean when he’s about to be consumed by the enormous beastie. He just turns to the beastie sword in hand with his Captain Jack wry grin and says “Oh, hello beastie” and takes her on! I LOVE this scene. He’s facing destruction to be sure and he just goes for the fight and he intends to fight hard at it. Anyway, I look forward to having you all rescue me from the “ends of the earth and beyond” to fetch me back!

So it turns out, I’m a SpiroChick after all. When my sis told me “You know you are a SpiroChick, why don’t you write with us.” I really couldn’t, wouldn’t. I was still in my denial and "I can’t go through this" phase of my Lyme journey. Let’s just call this diatribe my SpiroChick coming out party. I’m ready to take on the beastie. I have no idea what that looks like, where this journey will take me, how much more pain and suffering I will go through, but I’m facing it head on. “Savvy?”

Susanne, Kim's sister, is our latest SpiroChick. She also blogs at Adventures of a Soap Artist.

4 comments:

brighthope said...

Thanks so much for the great companionship you have provided in this series!

Susanne said...

Thanks for sharing! And thanks for reading.

Alix said...

Susanne,
Thanks for this post! I love the image of Jack Sparrowe and his beastie - that is a good one to visualize. Welcome out of Lyme denial. I was in it for two years before finally relenting.

Renee said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story here. Our journeys are all so different, and yet the beast that seeks to devour us is the same...Hope and pray your battle in the Lyme war goes well.