Friday, January 29, 2010
Standing Up For Myself
It took me eight months to admit to myself that my two doctors were not going to strike up a relationship and start working “together” on my case. One of the doctors just wasn’t interested.
Why did it take me so long? Well, I like both doctors. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Ah, HELLO Ashley, this is about your health NOT your doctors feelings or egos!
Now I am stuck in an even bigger bind. One that effects me daily and it involves family, never easy.
My sister’s boyfriend, the father of her 11 month old daughter, walked out 3 days before Thanksgiving. My sister had to get a job ASAP!
Over the Christmas holiday our parents rushed to the rescue. Before they left my dad gave me the hard word, “You aren’t going to leave are you? Your sister needs you”.
I suddenly found myself a full time nanny. My sister is gone 10-12 hours a day! I am struggling. My very supportive family seem to have forgotten that I wasn’t just sleeping the days away because I had nothing better to do. I am sick.
A few days ago my sister complained about the grocery bill. She pays for the food. I watch the baby, do the shopping, take out the trash, and have dinner ready when she gets home.
I wanted to yell at her. This maybe the most money she has ever spent on groceries, but it is the cheapest childcare she is ever going to get.
I said nothing. No, that is a lie. I told her she could wait to pay me back for the groceries until next week.
The part of this mutually beneficial plan that was supposed to benefit me (moving closer to my doctor) never happened. That was the only reason I stayed here instead of moving to Tahoe where my husband is (4 hours away).
I feel like I am abandoning my sister and letting my dad down, but I can’t do this. I need to put me and my health first. I need to respect myself and my limits.
I need to establish boundaries and stand up for myself to my doctors, my family and my friends. I’ve never really done this before. This is a good skill I am developing, one that will benefit me for the rest of my life. It’s something I never would have learned if I hadn’t gotten sick.
If I want to get better, to be healthy again, it is more than just my Lyme ailments that need to be resolved.
Ashley van Tol