Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Lyme pushes you...

In Under Our Skin, there’s a scene where Dana, one of the Lyme patients being followed, says, “Lyme pushes you to…What do you want? What are you living for? It’s not enough just to be alive.”

I’ve had my share of days like that. I had a day like that this last Sunday when a perfect storm of a pain--physical and emotional--collided with the unrelenting demands of motherhood and marriage. (It didn’t help that I stepped in cat poop for the third day in a row).

And so I ran away like every crazed mother dreams about now and then (don’t they?). I got in the car and took off. I got as far as the gas station and while it pumped, attempted to rationally consider the options.

It came down to this: I could run away from my daily life, but I couldn’t run from Lyme. And while Lyme makes my life very hard, physically and mentally, my family is what makes fighting it worthwhile.

So, when my sweet husband called for the fifth time, worried, not angry (bless him). I picked up his call and I headed back home. Back to his arms of love and the little lights in my world.

There's an update about Dana from the film on the Under Our Skin blog. In her conclusion, she gives me hope:

After ten years of Lyme, I’ve cleaned up and simplified my life. I have retreated deep into my soul and now I stand guard for everything that goes into body and mind. Whatever I have lost to Lyme I have gained ten-fold into my spirit.

Life is coming back to me and I am so grateful.

This was cross-posted to gratitude365.


Alix said...

Kim, this is so heart-wrenching. I think we all dream of just stepping out of the H-E-double-toothpicks that is our life. The living hell of feeling so ill 24x7 yet still having to meet the demands of every day life. When I lose all motivation to keep fighting this I think of my kids and push through for them. Then those giggling moments come and make it all worth it to push through for one more day. But that's it. It's just day by day.

Kim said...

What a bummer of a day, but it sounds like you have one terrific guy! Bless all of you!! My friend gave me some invaluable advice. Whenever you're feeling totally overwhelmed by life, turn on the shower and fan and scream f _ _ _ over and over until you start to laugh. You may have to do the silent scream if the kids are in the house, but even that works pretty well. Hugs!